03/20/2004: "The Pickle And The Snake"

By Carol J. Warren

Once there was a pickle named Tom. He was a sour pickle. He lived in a jar on the shelf with the other sour pickles. Being a sour pickle they were really quite rude and well, sour. Tom was always complaining and trying to push the other pickles away so he could have more room. “Do you mind?” he would say, “You’re in my space. Scoot over this minute.”

And of course the other pickles being sour as well would answer in the same manner, “I am not in your space but you “are” in my space. Get over you rotten pickle.” It was really normal talk in the pickle jar.

One day Tom had put up with more than enough shoving and rudeness so he said to the pickle on his right, “Get over now, you’re crushing me.” And to the pickle on his left, “You are in my space you overgrown cucumber.”

The pickle on his right complained but the pickle on his left became very angry. “I have been a pickle much longer than you and do you presume to tell me where I can and cannot stand. Get out of this jar this instant. I won’t have you here another moment.”

To this all the other pickles agreed and soon Tom had been thrown out of the jar. “There will be plenty of room for you now, won’t there?” sneered the older pickle.

Tom just as sour replied, “I didn’t want to live in that silly little jar with a bunch of old grouches anyway. I am glad to be rid of you all.” And with that Tom jumped off the shelf making his way to the floor and out a hole in the screen door to the outside.

It was a very pretty sunshiny day but of course Tom didn’t think so. As he searched for a new home he wandered into the vegetable garden. There on a vine was a pretty large ripe tomato. “Why hello there.” Said the tomato. “Isn’t it a beautiful day today.”

“If I were a stupid rotten tomato,” said Tom, “But having at least some sense about me I can tell that it is much too hot and the bright light is hurting my eyes.”

“Well wait a minute,” said the tomato, “why are you being so rude? I was just trying to be friendly.”

“Rude?” said the pickle. “I certainly am not rude. You need to mind your own business. You’re the rude one butting in where you are not wanted. Do you think I came all this way to talk to a rotten tomato?” and with that Tom went on.

The tomato was terribly insulted. “Mind my own business?” She said pouting, “Well see if I talk to you anymore.”

Tom was walking across the garden to where the green beans were planted next to the tall corn so they would grow running up the corn stalks. The corn being tallest saw him first. “Well good day there Mr. Pickle. Isn’t it a beautiful sunshiny day in this lovely garden.”

“I might think so if I were an overgrown piece of grass like you,” Tom said, “but since I am not stupid like you I realize it is much too hot and the bright sun light is too hard on my eyes.”

The corn was taken back. She was not use to being talked to that way. “See here now, there is no need to be so snippy, I was just trying to be friendly.”

“When I want to be friendly with a dried up withered old stupid corn stalk like you, I will be sure to let you know. Until then bug off.” Said Tom rather curtly.

The corn’s feelings were hurt. She said, “Well I’ve never been spoken to so rudely in all my life. Humph.”

The green bean hearing some of the conversation spoke up, “Perhaps it is the heat that is making you so grouchy. Pickles are not use to the heat you know. Why don’t you come rest yourself in my nice shade here for a while?”

“Is everyone in the garden stupid or did I just get to meet the worst of the lot right off the bat?” said Tom looking at the green bean. But the shade did look nice as a chance to get out of the sun. So Tom went over and rested under the shade of the green bean bush and was soon sound asleep.

The entire garden was buzzing with talk about this rude pickle that had come into their midst and was insulting everyone. Then about that time a poisonous snake came into the garden. He too was heading for the shade of the green bean bush to get out of the sunlight. Everyone in the garden saw him and everyone knew that he was heading right for the spot where the pickle was resting but no one bothered to warn the pickle.

The tomato said, “Well he told me to mind my own business, so I guess I will do just that.”

The corn said, “I am really quite offended by this mean little pickle. I shall not be the one to warn him but someone really should. Shouldn’t they?”

The green bean said, “Serves him right coming into our garden like he owned the place. Who does he think he is? He’ll be in big trouble now.”

The snake slithered under the shade and discovered the pickle. The pickle hearing some commotion woke up. “Do you mind you stupid slithering piece of rope, I’m trying to take a nap.”

“Oh my,” hissed the snake, “a pickle. I do love pickles.”

“I’m glad you’re a fan,” said Tom, “Now get lost you over grown rubber band or are you too stupid to even take a hint.”

The snake being basically evil was really enjoying Tom’s rudeness. He eased over and licked Tom with his slimy forked tongue. “Oh this is good, you’re a sour pickle. I love sour pickles.”

“Ok that’s enough of that,” Tom said, “that’s disgusting, now I have spit all over me. What’d you do a stupid thing like that for?”

“For lunch!” said the snake hissing happily. And with that the snake slithered around Tom until his coils had Tom held tightly in his grip. “But I just can’t decide if I want to crush you first or just chew you up. Decisions, decisions!” said the snake.

“Just wait a minute there you rotten piece of rubber, you get any closer and I’ll, I’ll…

“You’ll what?” hissed the snake delighted that Tom had some meanness left in him.

With that the snake squeezed Tom and Tom squirted the snake with vinegar right in the eye. “I’ll squirt you in the eye.” Said Tom with a smirk. “If you don’t let me go I’ll get the other eye as well.”

The snake’s eye stung so he moved his head back some but still kept a tight grip on Tom. “It doesn’t bother me that much.” Said the snake. “I can wait a bit for a tasty sour morsel like you. A few more squeezes and you won’t have any vinegar left.” Said the snake tightening his grip as he spoke. “So you are just postponing the inevitable. You will be eaten.” Said the snake hissing with joy.

“Well that doesn’t bother me,” Tom said, “though I hope I give you indigestion.”

“Really, it doesn’t bother you that I am going to eat you?” asked the snake. “I am curious now, and why would that be?”

“Because I am a Christian and I will go to heaven.” Said Tom matter of factly, “So I will be ok anyway.”

The snake began to laugh and so did the entire garden. The tomato laughed so hard she almost fell off her vine. The corn laughed so hard she almost popped and the string bean burst his seams laughing. Tom looked around at everyone laughing, “What a bunch of idiots. Don’t any of you know about being a Christian and going to heaven?”

“Why indeed we do know all about it.” Hissed the snake and the others agreed.

“Then what are you all laughing about?” asked Tom perplexed, “I am a Christian so I will go to heaven when I get eaten.”

At this everyone burst into laughter again. “Oh really,” hissed the snake, “you must stop. My sides are hurting and my dear mommy taught me not to play with my food. You are not a Christian,” said the snake.

“What do you mean I’m not a Christian,” said Tom indignant, “of course I am. Why would you think otherwise?”

“Oh really,” said the snake, “I hate to eat you. You are so much fun and almost as evil as I am.” The snake said regaining his composure; “My dear sour pickle what makes you think you “are” a Christian?”

“Well if you must know,” said Tom getting a little confused by everyone’s reactions, “I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.”

“And?” the snake hissed

“What do you mean “and”, that’s all I need to do to be saved, is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.” At this everyone in the garden started laughing all over again.

“Now see here,” said Tom, “what’s so funny?”

The snake finally stopped laughing long enough to answer him, “Everyone believes in the Lord Jesus Christ. You’d have to be crazy not to know that Jesus is the Christ. Even I believe that and they don’t come any more evil than I am. What makes you think that is all you have to do?” then he couldn’t contain himself any more and started laughing again.

“That’s what I was taught, that all I have to do is believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and I would be saved and go to heaven when I am eaten.”

“You really are too funny,” said the snake sniffling from all the laughter. “My dear young pickle what do you think the word Christian means?”

“Well,” Tom stuttered, “Uh it means uh..”

“It means being Christ like.” Said the snake. “And do you see anything in your life that is Christ like. No! You are delightfully evil and rude just like me. You are not a Christian.”

“But if I’m not a Christian then that means I will go to uh,” Tom gulped unable to bring himself to say it, “I won’t go to heaven when I am eaten.”

“And I do hate to be the one to burst your bubble,” said the snake, “but that is exactly right. You will not go to heaven when I eat you.”

“Well if believing that Jesus is Lord isn’t enough to be saved,” said Tom starting to panic, “what do I need to do to be really saved?”

“You’re asking me?” hissed the snake, “Do I look like I’m saved? How could I be the one to tell you how to be saved?”

The tomato said, “I’m suppose to mind my own business.”

The corn remembered she was offended. The green bean thought he deserved what was coming.

“Isn’t anyone going to help me?” asked Tom, “Doesn’t anyone care that I will go to… I mean I won’t go to heaven?”

“Evidently not!” hissed the snake, “Oh well, too bad really. You would have made a fine sour Christian.”

Then a small voice on the vine behind the snake spoke up. “I care.”

“Who said that?” asked Tom

“Me sir.” it was a little tiny worm that was eating on a green bean leaf. “I know how to get saved and I will be glad to tell you. First you must admit that you have sinned and repent.”

“I was told never to admit when I am wrong.” Said Tom

“I understand,” said the worm, “But to be saved you must admit you have sinned and repent.”

“What does repent mean?” Tom asked

“It means tell the Lord you are sorry for your sins and ask him to forgive you.” Said the little worm.

“If that’s what I must do.” Said Tom really shaken by the thought of being eaten and not going to heaven.

“There is one more thing,” said the worm, “You must ask the Lord Jesus Christ into you heart and let him be Lord of your life from now on.”

“I have always done whatever I wanted to do and said whatever I wanted to say,” said Tom really thinking about what the worm was saying, “But you mean now I would not be my own boss. He would be my boss and I would do what he says or what I think he would want me to do?”

“That’s right,” said the worm.

Tom thought about it for a while. That was a hard request. He wanted to make sure he meant it. Surely the Lord would know if he meant it or not. “Yes,” said Tom, “I will do it. Surely it is better to have my life ruled by the Lord than to not have a life at all and go to..” He still could not bring himself to say it.

“Ok then,” said the worm, “repeat this prayer after me. Dear Lord Jesus I have sinned and I ask you to forgive me of my sins. I ask you to come into my life and be my Lord and Savior. Thank you Lord Jesus. Amen”

When Tom was done repeating the prayer he noticed that something strange seemed to sweep over him. He felt oddly different. The snake had been waiting patiently until now because it really had been very entertaining but he was getting hungry and wanted his lunch. He reached out and licked the pickle again getting ready to bite into him. “Yuck,” said the snake spitting and sputtering. “You taste awful. You taste like a sweet pickle. I hate sweet things and I hate sweet pickles. Yuck, now I’ve got sweet pickle juice on me.” Said the snake unwinding and leaving to find something more palatable to eat. “I shall have to roll in the dirt to get this sweet stuff off me.” He said complaining as he left.

Tom couldn’t believe it. He was not going to be eaten. The Lord had changed him into a sweet pickle. Suddenly he noticed that it really was a beautiful day. The little worm spoke up again. “You are going to need a friend to teach you how to be Christ like until you get the hang of things. I would be glad to be your friend and help you learn.”

“Really?” Tom asked, “I have never had a friend. That would be great.”

“The first thing you need to know is that you can tell other people about Jesus Christ and how to get saved just like I did you.” Said the worm, “There are lots of people that think they are Christians but they have never asked the Lord into there heart to be Lord of there lives. The Bible says you will know they are Christians by their love.”

Tom thought about how it felt when he thought he was not going to get to go to heaven. He didn’t want anyone to ever have to go to that other place. He still shuddered thinking about it. Tom looked around him. He walked over a bit where everyone could see him. “I would like to tell you all about the Lord Jesus Christ,” Tom said, “ And how you can be saved and be a Christian.”

The Tomato spoke up, “I am a Christian. I sing in the choir.”

The corn said, “I am a Christian. I go to church every Sunday.”

The green bean was very upset. “Why you young whipper snapper I can recite the Bible backwards and forwards and you think you’re going to tell me how to be a Christian?”

Tom thought about it for a minute. “I used to think I was a Christian too but I wasn’t. It isn’t about singing in the choir or only going to church, or even knowing the Bible. It’s about asking the Lord Jesus Christ to be Lord of your life. If you are all Christians then why didn’t one of you try to help me when I needed to be saved? No, the Bible says you will know they are Christians by their love and Christian means Christ like. I don’t see anything like Christ in any of you.”

At that the tomato realized how true it was, the corn hung her head, only the old green bean was still angry. Tom continued, “Maybe you were Christians at one time and stopped letting the Lord be lord of your lives. Maybe you are backslidden but all I know is I don’t see Jesus Christ in any of you. I would be more than happy to pray with you. I mean, I don’t want anyone to go to... well not go to heaven.”

Tom prayed with them, the same prayer that he had just prayed and everyone learned a lesson that day. It wasn’t that sour pickles need to turn sweet; it was that we will know they are Christians or Christ like by their love. We must have the love of Christ shinning through us, we even need to have the love of Christ showing when people are rude or mean to us. Do we?