03/06/2004: "I Choose Life"

by Carol J. Warren

Once there was a small dog named George. He looked a lot like the dog in the movies called Benji except he was a golden color. He was very smart and well behaved. This was a very special day for George. He must hurry and not be late. He walked down the sidewalk and around the corner. He got to the bus stop just as the bus was pulling up. Several people were getting on the bus. George just quietly moved in between their feet and worked his way to the back of the bus. It was so crowded that no one seemed to notice him at all. He hid under one of the seats along the back of the bus only lifting his head to peek when he could tell the bus was slowing down to see if it was his stop.

No, this was not the place. He waited until he saw the building and trees that meant it was his stop. Then he ran down the aisle and barked at the exit door. The bus driver was annoyed that a dog was on the bus but when several people got off the bus as well as the dog, he just assumed that the dog was with one of the people, but he wasn’t.

The dog walked down several streets to a large gate. Then he slid under the closed gate into a large courtyard. He ran around the courtyard to a far wall. There was a crack in the wall. Mind you most dogs wouldn’t have been able to get through the crack but George was just small enough to squeeze through. Behind the fence was an old alley that no one had used for years. He followed that alley to the back of the subway. No one used this entrance anymore. It had been closed off for years but George knew about it.

He pushed the subway cover over with his nose and carefully made his way down the drippy wet ladder into the subway. It was full of trash and broken pieces of concrete. It was abandoned to most. The subway train never came this way anymore. George worked his way down the tunnel lit only with emergency lighting. The tunnel split off and then split off again but George knew exactly where he was going even though he had never been there before. He made his way twisting and winding through the tunnels, it was a long walk but soon George saw what he was looking for. It was a sealed off Subway station.

The electricity had never been shut off to this section; probably an oversight by someone or perhaps it had been wired into place without permission. In the dimly lit station you could see two offices off to one side. They used to be for the station manager and the head lineman but now two families occupied them.

You might think it was unusual even odd for these two families to be living there and you would be right. They weren’t just living there; they were hiding there. Several years before, the two men, the fathers of the families, had been involved in a crime. It was a big mistake but they thought it would get their family out of poverty. Instead it put them on the most wanted list at the post office.

Now they couldn’t get a regular job because they didn’t dare use their social security number or the police would find them. All jobs require a social security number so they can file taxes on you. So these men had to work odd jobs for cash or beg for money on the streets. Often the jobs they worked were not legal but they had long since stopped caring about things like that.

The sad part was they had to hide themselves and their families where no one could find them. They were very leery of strangers and the family almost never went out to the above ground world. The one family had a boy and a girl and the other family had two boys. You would think that they would play with each other but that wasn’t the case. Johnny was the youngest by a few years so the older kids stuck together and didn’t want anything to do with the little kid.

Johnny’s mom was sickly and depressed. She drank to forget her sorrows. She would try to leave but she was afraid of her husband. The cold damp subway kept her coughing. She spent most of her time in bed or just staring. If Johnny tried to spend time with her she would just get angry and tell him to go out into the station and play. But there was no one to play with Johnny. There was never much food and never any candy.

Johnny was lonely and unhappy. He was miserable. He was very thin and pale with dark circles under his eyes. He had dark hair and eyes and wore clothes that had been his brothers and were already too little for him and completely wore out. The dad of the second family taught all the kids how to read and write and do simple math. He told them that was all they needed. They didn’t need to go to school. School was just another way for the police to catch up with them and they weren’t about to let that happen.

Most of the time Johnny would just sit at the edge of the station with his legs dangling over the side of the wall where the tracks were. The truth is Johnny didn’t know much about life outside of his family and the subway. He thought it was all this miserable. Most of the time he wondered why he was alive. Surely it would just be better to be dead and get it all over with. The only thing that stopped him from this train of thought was that he was afraid of dying. His mom read the bible sometimes when she was drunk. Johnny knew enough to know that there was a God and that He didn’t want you to kill yourself. If you did you might not get to go to heaven and the only other place to go is hell. He shuddered at the thought of his mom and what she told him about hell.

That was the scene George walked in on. He walked right up to Johnny. Johnny looked around fearfully thinking surely there was a person with the dog. But there was no one. He had always wanted a dog but his dad said no. At first Johnny was scared but George began to play with him and lick him on the face. Johnny played and played. He finally had a friend, someone to care about him. That evening, well I guess it was evening, in the subway Johnny never knew if it was day or night because it all looked the same there. But when his dad came home and saw the dog he was angry but Johnny begged and pleaded to please let him keep the dog.

“How do you know someone won’t come looking for him and find us?” His dad screamed.

“No,” Johnny said, “He has been here all day and no one has come. I think he just wandered in by accident.”

“We can’t afford to feed ourselves how are we going to feed some dumb mutt?” His dad asked.

“I will give him some of my food.” Johnny said. “Please I promise he won’t be any trouble.” The truth was Johnny was hungry all the time anyway but he needed a friend more than he needed food.

“Oh I don’t care.” His dad yelled, “Just get out of my face.”

So Johnny and George wandered off and played. For the first time in Johnny’s little life there was joy. He and George would lie down on the cold concrete floor and talk about what the outside world must be like. They played together, laughed together, ate together and even slept together. It was the best thing that had ever happened to Johnny. That is until something happened.

One morning Johnny woke up and George was gone. He searched everywhere for him but he couldn’t find him. He just knew George would come back but he didn’t. He waited all that day; he just sat there at the edge of the station platform looking down the tunnel waiting for him to come and all the next day as well. But George didn’t come. Johnny grew sadder and sadder. George was his only friend, the only one that had ever loved him. He just couldn’t bear it if he never came back. But on the third day George came running down the tunnel. Johnny was so happy he could hardly stand it.

George kept trotting off and then looking back and barking like he was telling Johnny to follow. “I’m not permitted to go down the tunnels,” Johnny told George fearfully. “I did once and dad gave me such a beating that I will never do that again.” Johnny shuddered as he remembered.

But still George kept coaxing him to follow. Johnny didn’t know what to do he was afraid of his dad but he was more afraid of losing his only friend, George. So he kept following and then stopping. Finally George just took off. Johnny was so afraid he wasn’t going to come back that when George did come back Johnny was ready to follow him no matter what. They wound their way through the tunnels and up the ladder to the outside.

It had been a long time since Johnny had seen the outside world. The sunlight was so bright it made it hard for him to see for a while. George waited for a little while until he could tell Johnny could see and then he took off again. Johnny was afraid. What if something bad happened like his dad always talked about.
But he still followed George because he didn’t know what else to do. They made their way through the back alley and through the crack in the fence. George rooted in a crack in the wall and pulled out a dollar bill. He held it up for Johnny to take. Money, Johnny wasn’t allowed to touch the money at home. He took the dollar bill looking at it with awe. Then George raced off across the courtyard and Johnny still bewildered, followed. They both shimmied under the gate. Johnny was so skinny that it was no problem.

Johnny’s eyes were big with wonder at everything, the cars, the sunlight, the trees, the flowers; it was as though he were an alien visiting his own planet for the first time. George led the way through the winding streets until they got to the bus stop. Johnny didn’t know it was a bus stop, he didn’t understand about such things. The bus pulled up and George jumped on but Johnny was terrified of a bus full of people. His parents had taught him to be afraid of strangers and since he lived underground and never saw other people that made him even more afraid.

The bus driver was impatient. “Ok,ok, I don’t have all day. Yous’ell haves to get on or get your dog and leave. Common now.”

Johnny understood a direct command. Terrified he got on the bus. The driver grabbed the dollar bill, said thanks and went back to driving the bus. Johnny didn’t know what to think. That man took his money. The only money he ever had. There were people everywhere. George nipped at Johnny’s hand to get his attention and led the way to a seat in the back. Johnny sat down trembling. He felt a little shaky.

George carefully watched for the correct bus stop. Johnny saw that the bus stopped and people got off and people got on but he wasn’t sure why he was on the bus or what he was suppose to do. He sure hoped George knew where he was going because one thing was for sure Johnny was going to be in big trouble now. As though he sensed his fear George nuzzled his nose under Johnny’s hand and lay his chin on Johnny’s lap. They passed quite a few stops before they got to the right one. George jumped up and ran off the bus. The bus driver was waiting for Johnny to come up from the back but Johnny was scared.

“Come on, Come on. Is this your stop or not?” The bus driver yelled. Being yelled at was something Johnny was used to. He understood that. He quickly ran past the bus driver and out the door. Then George was off again.

Johnny was getting tired. He hadn’t eaten much in a long time and this was more exercise than he had ever had. But George was patient; he seemed to know when Johnny needed to rest. Down one street and then another, they made their way. But where were they going. Finally they came to a nice neighborhood. George walked up to a fenced and pulled the latch on the gate with his mouth opening the gate. He walked in and barked for Johnny to follow.

Johnny wasn’t sure about this. This was someone’s house and it was a nice house. He had never been in a real house. George walked up to the door and jumped to press the buzzer with his nose. “Don’t do that,” Johnny whispered, “You’ll get us in trouble sure as the world.”

Johnny ran up the steps to grab George and run off but just as he reached for George the door opened. There in the door stood a kindly old lady. She was smiling at Johnny. “Come in,” She said, “I’ve been expecting you. What took you so long?” This last question she directed at George. George barked and she seemed to understand.

“Well come on in. I bet your hungry.” The old lady said smiling.

Johnny wanted to run but she seemed so nice. He was trying to make up his mind just what to do when she mentioned food. He was so hungry and anyway George seemed to know her so she must be ok. Johnny walked into the house. It was a nice house, nothing extravagant but nice. Though to Johnny it looked like a mansion. It had real furniture and windows with pretty curtains. Johnny was amazed.

“Right this way.” The kind old lady said, leading Johnny into the kitchen. She had some food ready on the table. There was a nice bowl of homemade soup and a sandwich with a big glass of real milk and homemade cookies for desert. Johnny ate until his side hurt. He would have eaten more if he could. The kindly old lady seemed to derive pleasure from watching him eat.

“My name is Mrs. Mims.” She said, “and your name is Johnny, right?”

“How did you know my name?” Johnny asked surprised.

“All in good time.” Mrs. Mims said, “First you need a good scrubbing. My goodness it will take a lot of soaking to get through all of that dirt. She ran a nice hot bath with lots of bubbles. “Now you take your clothes of and get in the tub. George will tell me when you are under the bubbles and then I will come wash your hair for you.” And with that she stepped out of the bathroom and shut the door.

Johnny just stood there. He’d never had a bath. He had only washed up in the sink at what used to be the public bathroom at the subway station. And since nobody cared if he washed or not he didn’t even do that very often. George whined and tugged at his clothes.
“Ok, I guess this could be fun.” He said looking at all the bubbles. He slipped out of clothes and into the water. He looked like a bunch of sticks glued together he was so skinny.

George barked and Mrs. Mims came in with the shampoo. She scrubbed all the while talking calmly to the boy. When she was satisfied that he was thoroughly clean she told the boy to get out and wrap a towel around his waist, then she would come back in. Johnny stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist just like Mrs. Mims said. He liked her. She seemed nice and he had never had so much attention. George barked to let Mrs. Mims know that the towel was on. Then she stepped back inside and dried his hair. She took out a pair of scissors and very carefully trimmed his hair. She seemed to know what she was doing. She brushed away the loose hair and then led him to a bedroom.

Johnny was amazed at the sight of a real bed. He had never slept on a real bed. But even more amazing was what lay on top of the bed. A complete set of clothes for a little boy. Shirt, tee shirt, underwear, pants, socks and shoes. There was even a comb for his hair. The boy looked at Mrs. Mims for directions. “These clothes are for you. They belong to you know. I am going to step out and I want you to put them on.”

She stepped out and Johnny began to put on the clothes. As skinny as he was they still fit. They were a little loose but that was ok with him. When he was dressed he looked in the mirror to comb his hair. He looked like a regular boy; like a real person. He just stood there staring at himself. Mrs. Mims came back, “Oh my you are a fine looking boy. George and I are so pleased that you have come to live with us.”

“Come to live with you?” Johnny asked in shock. His mind raced to his mom and dad. He was supposed to be with them. They would be so angry they would… well he shuddered to think what they would do. But how could he stay here. Why would this lady want him when no one else had? How did she know his name?

Mrs. Mims sat on the edge of the bed. “So you want to know why George brought you here and why you will be living with us from now on right?” Johnny nodded.
“Johnny do you know what a Christian is?” Mrs. Mims asked.

“Not really,” Johnny said, “My mom reads the bible when she’s really drunk. Then she talks about God and heaven and hell.”

Mrs. Mims took out her old worn bible. You could tell by the way that she held it that it was like an old friend. She began to explain to Johnny that God created us because He loved us and wants to have a love relationship with each one of us. When someone is being mistreated or living in misery it is never because of the Lord but because of what people have done. She began to explain to Johnny about how the Lord Jesus Christ came and died for our sins because He loved us so much. And that He wants us all to be well and happy.

“One day as I was praying and just talking with the Lord like I often do, I saw an angel. I don’t often get to see angels Johnny though they are probably always around us, we just don’t get to see them.” Mrs. Mims paused for this to sink in and then went on. “The angel came from the Lord to tell me about you. He showed me where you lived and what your life was like. He showed me that you asked God to help you. Then the angel looked me in the eye and said, “You have been so very lonely and you have prayed for the Lord to use you and bring you someone to help and someone to love. Would you be willing to love this little boy and give him a home for the Lord?”

Mrs. Mims was getting teary eyed. “Yes, I said yes and I meant it. I will love you just as though you were my own son. So now you will live here with me. I won’t be lonely any more and you won’t be lonely anymore. It’s the plan of the Lord and it is good.” She grabbed Johnny up and hugged him. Johnny had never been so happy. God had heard him and God rescued him and gave him a real home with someone to love him.

“It was the same angel that led George to you in the subway.” Said Mrs. Mims, “And he was with you as you made your way here today. God had it all planned out.”

“But don’t you have any kids of your own?” Johnny asked

“My husband went to be with Jesus in heaven.” Mrs. Mims said, “He passed on over two years ago. My children live so far away I almost never get to see them. They are too busy for an old woman like me anyway. So you see Johnny I need you as much as you need me.”

That night Johnny went to sleep in a real bed with George right beside him. The next day Mrs. Mims took him to the park. She had to teach him how to swing and go down the slide and play on the merry go round. He didn’t know how to play. They fed breadcrumbs to the ducks and around noon went to a picnic table and ate fried chicken and potato salad with Apple pie for dessert. It was wonderful. Then they lay on a quilt under the trees and talked about the shapes in the clouds. That one looks like a boat and that one looks like an angel. Johnny was so happy there.

Mrs. Mims took Johnny to school and enrolled him in school. Johnny was afraid at first. But she asked for permission to stay with him for a few days until he got used to things. She sat in the back of the room and never interfered. She just wanted him to know she was there until he got used to it. Once Johnny got used to school he like it. He found out that he wasn’t stupid like his dad said, he was really rather smart and that felt good. He made a couple of friends and they would come over and play in the yard with him. Johnny never knew life could be so good.

Then one day there came a knock at the door. Johnny ran to see who it was because he thought it might be one of his friends. But when Mrs. Mims answered the door there stood his dad. He was as mean and dirty as ever. “I came for my boy.” He said “He’s my boy and you’ve got no right to keep him; you’ve gotta give him to me.” Johnny cowered against the wall at the sight of him.

But Mrs. Mims wasn’t the least bit intimidated. She grabbed the buzzer she wore around her neck. “Do you see this buzzer in my hand. If I push this button the police will be here in seconds. They will put you in jail forever, if I am not mistaken. I think you need to leave and never come back. And don’t think you can sneak back here because I keep this buzzer with me at all times, I even sleep with it.”

“I didn’t want the rotten rat any way.” He grumbled, “I just want to make sure he doesn’t tell any body where we’re hiding out. All he’s good for is another mouth to feed.”

“Well I already know where your hide out is in the subway and if you know what’s good for you you’ll leave town and find another hide out in another city that I don’t know about.” Mrs. Mims really sounded tough.

When he heard her mention the subway terror filled his eyes. “Well you may as well not look for us because we’re leaving the subway and you won’t never find us. Never!” and with that he was gone.

When Mrs. Mims turned she didn’t see the happy well-fed boy she had helped have a home; she saw the frightened Johnny that had first come to her door. He ran to his room and hid in the closet. “I’m never coming out,” he yelled, “never. He’ll come for me again. I know he will.”

Mrs. Mims took Johnny by the hand and led him over to the bed where they both sat down. “Johnny, you know that I love you and you know that Jesus Christ loves you. He not only died for you but He very carefully planned your escape from that horrible place and those horrible people and gave you a place where you are safe and happy. He will not let them come back for you. He rescued you and gave you life when everything around you was hopeless. But of all the things the Lord has rescued you from there is one thing He can’t rescue you from. That is something only you can do.”

Johnny looked up at her as though to ask what. “Jesus Christ sent His holy angel and delivered you from that awful place. He gave you life for living misery and death. But it is up to you and you alone if you let the death and hopelessness of that place remain inside of you. When you give in to fear and run away. When you remember and let those bad feelings return, that is letting that death and hopelessness that the Lord delivered you from back inside of you. Even though your outside is safe here, the inside is there. That is a choice you make.

Just because the devil sends an awful thought or memory your way doesn’t mean you have to receive it. You just refuse it in Jesus name. You see salvation isn’t just a one-time thing Johnny; it is a moment-by-moment choice. And every time fear rears its ugly head you have a choice of embracing death or embracing life inside of you. Choose life Johnny. When you do the Lord will strengthen and encourage you but there is nothing even He can do if you choose death inside of you by letting the fear and memories return.

Johnny thought about it. His situation was the same as it had been before he saw his dad. The only thing that had changed was his feelings and his memories. “I choose life.” He said strongly. It felt good to say that so he said it again. “I choose life.” He could feel the fear leaving him. Then it was true. He had a choice on the inside; a choice of death or life with every feeling and every memory. We all do. When those memories or feelings come – just be sure to choose life.